attention.

I couldn't find a top to go with my black skirt this morning so I went into my daughter's room and borrowed one that she had left behind. When I put it on I thought it was very flattering...if maybe a little low cut, but not inappropriately so. Actually, I think it makes my (to quote my mother) bosoms look fabulous! I really love my new (naturally) larger bosoms. I love the way they feel, I love the way they look. I just love 'em. :)

but, I digress...

When I got to work today, it didn't take long to realize that every person, man and woman, that I talked to or passed by in the office was taking a look at my tits. It made me very uncomfortable and made me wish I hadn't worn such a fabulous top to work.

Which got me to thinking about my reaction to getting attention while I am at work. I hate it. I've always been this way to some extent, but I feel it even moreso now and I am not sure whether it is me or this particular environment. Reminds of when Phillip sent roses to me at the office for my birthday. I was delighted to get them, but at the same time, that walk back to my cube from the reception area was...I dont know, embarrassing. I have a compulsion to be invisible there which I don't understand. I don't feel this way anywhere else. I wouldn't have thought twice about wearing this top out shopping or to run errands - whether people looked at me or not - wouldn't phase me at all.

For the first time in my history of office-work, I am happy to be working in an enclosed cube. I feel insulated from the office in there - and I can just do my work, not be bothered and leave without being seen.

It's not as if I don't like the people, they're alright for the most part (except for the loud, obnoxious Republican across from my cube - I can pretty much say I don't like him) but no single person there makes me feel uncomfortable...it's the whole place.

Anyway, the good thing about going into nursing, I think, is the fact that it is more like a labor job than an office job. You can lose yourself in labor and concentrate on what you need to do without all of the distorted dynamics that seem to be generated by people sitting in chairs, working on computers and 'visiting' all day. That and the scrubs. I can't wait until the most daring wardrobe choice I have to make is whether to wear the burgundy or the navy blue scrubs to work that day.

Just 2 1/2 more years....sigh.