trauma.

Tonight I laid down to sleep but was kept awake by a sudden flood of memory and emotion.

On a Saturday evening about two months ago my nine-year-old daughter went missing for about four hours.

That night I felt what I can only describe as an excruciating lack of sensation. I knew there was pain, but it could not penetrate the lead that had formed around my insides. My mind was full of images of her afraid and wanting me and these thoughts made me cringe with the most palpable, inescapable fear. Pure, unadulterated amygdala. I didn't feel capable of walking or talking or of ever experiencing any other feeling ever again. It was really quite indescribable in words.

She turned up and was fine, but it took me the better part of a week to get over the trauma. And I thought I had put it behind me...perhaps not. Seems I have to live with these memories.

I feel a little better having written this down tonight, though. Maybe I can sleep now.